When I first started this blog, I wanted to have a place where I can share my thoughts and my photography work with the rest of the world. I have no idea how, when and why it turned out to be a fashion blog too, but I'm happy it did. I learned a great deal about how all this works, but most importantly, it helped me overcome my fear of how people look at me. As this blog grew, so did I and I found the courage to actually wear the things I liked, feel comfortable the way I look etc.
But this blog is more than a fashion blog, at least to me. It's my little internet corner, and when I browse the archive, which is something that I do from time to time, I realize that I actually wrote my feelings here. Now, I never wanted to get too personal, but there were some things I just needed to write and have saved on this blog. That's how I get to see how my life evolved, how much I've changed and grown. And that is something I want to have here.
Most of the time when I feel down, I try to write some kind of inspirational post where I try to give myself advice. This is one of those, a letter to myself.
2016 started as a great year, but ended as being one of the worst years of my life (maybe I should say so far considering that I'm only 23). Last couple of months have been especially hard on me. I somehow felt that I've completely lost myself, I stopped doing things I loved, didn't enjoy the things I did... I was just waiting for time to pass by. When you include the relationships with people in my life... well, let's just say it pretty much sucked and I cried. A lot!
On top of that, I learned to love my sadness. I got so used to it that I just couldn't let it go. My sadness was my friend. The only thing that belonged just to me and no one else could take. So I didn't let anyone take it, I didn't let anyone help me. But the problem was, no one could help me. It was all me, it was all in my head and only I could do something about it. The question was when?
I'm one of those people who firmly believe that we all keep the key to success in our own hands. That and that everything happens for a reason. My sister used to remind me that it gets worse before it gets better, bad times make us appreciate good times more. It's okay to grieve, and be sad, and feel sorry and cry. Sometimes you just have to let these emotions out so you can be free to feel something else. But it will stop when you decide it should stop!
So I found myself asking will you do something about it? Will you? Will you? When? Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. Give it time, I need more time! I'm not ready to let go, would be my answer. And then it hit me, and I just couldn't do it anymore. You can't expect a big change at once, but you can start slowly by doing things you like, spending time with people who make you feel good, meeting someone new. By doing anything that can make you feel even a little bit better.
I woke up on Sunday and felt different. I decided to let go, I was ready to let go, just like that. Now, there are some problems that can't be solved that easily, still some pieces to pick up and glue back together, but stressing myself out won't help either. I'm just going to take it slowly, live my life to the fullest and use my time to write my own stories. Maybe get those two white candles and a red one. It gets better! I know that everything will be fine in the end.